Maybe It's Time We Appreciated Winning Unconventionally

I grew up a Florida Gators fan.  I am from Georgia, lived in Georgia for 18 years of my life, but I was and am a Florida Gators fan.  When I was growing up, it was a great time to be a Florida Gators fan.  Steve Spurrier (a Florida great as a player in his own right) was the coach and every year you knew he was going to put a great team on the field.  Gator fans weren't happy with a bowl game possibility, we wanted the SEC championship and possibly the National Championship. 

We got this in 1996 with a guy named Danny Wuerffel playing quarterback.  In 1996 I was thirteen years old, and there was nothing I loved more at that time than football, and in football there was nothing I loved more than Florida Gator football (example:  My entire room was blue and orange and EVERYTHING was Florida Gator, including a five foot inflatable gator wearing a #7 jersey I had hanging above my bed.)  Danny Wuerffel was my hero.  He was a true Gator, he was from Florida, he threw the fade route to the back of end zone like nobody I had seen before, he won, and was just an all around good guy.  I wanted to be like Danny Wuerffel. 

If you follow college football and the career of Danny Wuerffel you know that despite his greatness in college as a quarterback (i.e. National Championship, Heisman Trophy, Quarterback of the Year, etc.) he just didn't make it as an NFL quarterback.  He was drafted by the Saints, played a few years there, went to Green Bay, Chicago, and eventually back to the "Ol Ball Coach" where they both ended their NFL careers in Washington.  Danny didn't win as an NFL quarterback.  I don't know why, I am not a quarterback coach or expert, but he just did not translate the greatness he had in college to the NFL.  Maybe it was because he was unconventional.  While he could throw the fade route very well.  He wasn't your prototypical Peyton Manning style passer, but as a Gator Fan we really didn't mind.  Danny had given us a National Championship and would always be a winner in our eyes.

Then Danny retired and became a true "winner" in my book.  He left the NFL, every college football player's dream, and went on to do what I think was his true calling in life, work for Desire Street Ministries http://www.desirestreet.org/.  Here is a link to their website and you can check out all the great accomplishments this organization has done and is still doing.  What I want to get across here is, Danny Wuerffel did not win conventionally in the NFL, but he was not a failure.  He went on to win as some might say unconventionally in a world that has far less glitz and glamor than the NFL world, but just as much if not more importance to our society the Non-Profit world.  Winning unconventionally is not always pretty or deemed successful by society or media, but that does not erase it's effectiveness.

Last night I left my day job as a TPA to go volunteer with several young men at a catering job they were working.  It was where I needed to be.  I had great parents, teachers, coaches, and church members who mentored me as a young man and taught me how to be successful in life.  I feel that it is my obligation as well as a gift I have been given to return the favor and share my knowledge with other young men who face difficult situations.  In doing this though I missed watching the Denver/New York Jets football game.  Now most people would probably wonder why a guy from Georgia who lives in Texas would care at all about that football game...well usually I wouldn't, but there is one guy playing for Denver that as a Gator fan makes me care.  He goes by the name of Tebow.

He is quite the polarizing figure right now.  People either love him or hate him.  There really is no in between.  As a Gator fan I love him, I love him because of what he meant to that University, it's football program and the way he played the game.  He played at Florida with a certain passion that I hadn't seen in many years from a man of that age.  Now I will be the first to admit I am biased, and this blog is being written from the point of view of a Tebow fan.  If you hate him, that is your opinion and you are certainly entitled to it.  He is a human and we all make mistakes and aren't perfect, but I am going to talk about some of the good things he has done and does (disclosure given). 

Last night as I drove to the catering event I talked with my father on the phone about the Denver game and Tebow.  This is common for us.  My dad and I can always talk sports, it's always been our thing and I love it.  He is the reason I am such a big Gator fan, but more importantly why I choose to make the decision to go to a catering event rather than stay at home and watch a former Gator great.  My dad taught me to win unconventionally.  That will be an entirely separate blog one day, and may take several blogs to detail the great lessons that man taught me and the respect I have for him, but back to my story.  As we were discussing the upcoming game and the in and outs of Tebow and Denver's offense we both commented on the unconventionality of how it worked.  No expert can explain it.  It is the talk of all the sports radio and television programs and feeds sports media these days.  The final point my dad and I shared before I got off the phone with each other and I went in to work the catering event was, in the end it really didn't matter.  If Tebow won on the field great, it's unconventional, but a win is a win.  If he didn't win on the field no big deal, he was a Gator great and in the long run we know where Tebow's heart truly is and that is missions (my dad and I both share this passion).  Tebow we agreed was a winner and is fulfilling his purpose now and later.

I got out of the car and went and worked the catering job with the young men I volunteer with.  Now because these guys are juveniles and I respect them and their privacy I won't go into any detail of their background, but lets just say they don't come from the North Dallas private school world.  Life for them has been and will continue to be tough.  Some of it is their fault, some of it isn't, but they have to take what they have been given and go out and win in life.  This is the one big goal I try to teach in my mentoring and business classes.  Life doesn't make things always easy for you, but that is no excuse to quit or give up.  You find a way to make do with what you got. 

As the catering job ended and the night wound down I found myself taking home several of the young men after the job, and we discussed things that were going on in their life and music (this is where my love of rap really comes in handy) and basically just them interacting with each other.  Now this may not seem like a big deal to most, but if you understand the background of the three young men and how they came to know each other, and now working paying jobs and interacting in a normal manner, it's pretty amazing.  Just looking back at the comments made by the people who attended last nights event, I couldn't help but stop and think these guys are slowly winning unconventionally.

As I dropped off the last of the young men my younger brother called me.  I answered the phone and all I heard was "TEBOW! TEBOW!"...I immediately knew what he was calling about.  I had forgotten about the Denver game, and he was calling surely to tell me Denver had won.  In his excited fashion he recapped for me the the final 95 yard drive that Tebow led and ended with him running the ball in for the winning touchdown.  I was instantly brought back to the excitement of all those Florida football games when Tebow would just take over and win.  As I talked briefly with my younger brother about the win, and then got off the phone so that I could finish up my conversation on work with the young man I was dropping off, myself and the young man both briefly mentioned Tebow is the "truth" as the guy put it.

I'll wrap this all up and come to a point here, winning unconventionally in life is often not appreciated, but many times absolutely necessary.  In my own life I gave up the opportunity to watch a football game and see a win on television to spend time teaching guys how to win in life.  In the young men I volunteer with they are beating the odds and learning how to win in a society that often times rules them out before they are even born.  In the case of my two former Florida Gators, winning to them on the field was and is great, but they both realize the ultimate win in life is not going to be on a field scoreboard, but what they accomplish off the field.  The media, society, people around us may not get it because we are so used to understanding winning as being this certain concept that is easily measured in stats and numbers, but in real life winning isn't always pretty and can't always be represented by stats and numbers, but when it happens it happens, even if it's unconventional.

X

Help!

Funny how you wake up some days and there is a certain topic on your brain.  Sometimes it's because you watched or read something before you went to sleep, others it's because you have a difficult situation you are struggling with, and occasionally it is something that just pops in there and you have no idea where it came from.  This morning I woke up with a topic in my head, and as the morning has gone forward it is amazing the illustrations that just keep driving this point home.

Before I went to bed last night I read one of my guilty pleasures, G.Q. magazine.  (Go ahead, make all the little snide marks you want about the magazine and the type of people who read it.  I'll take your manhood challenge any day :) haha)  I like the magazine because, of all the "Men's Interest" magazines that are on shelves right now it actually does a decent job of covering fashion, politics, and "men's interest".  It does still have half of the magazine filled with adds, but for the most part it has decent content.  This month on the cover were Lil Wayne, Eminem and Keith Richards.  I am a huge Lil Wayne and Eminem fan, indifferent to Keith Richards, but I had to have the magazine.  It had two of my favorites on the cover and I wanted to read the articles (no lie, crazy huh?).  As I am laying in bed last night letting my doctor prescribed combination of anxiety medicines kick in, and I have my amazing, Beats by Dr. Dre, headphones on (product placement, notice that), I read the two articles about Lil Wayne and Eminem. 

I don't know what your music tastes are, and honestly it isn't important to this article.  The artists are names that people recognize currently, but their story is the same that has been told by musicians for years.  I am just using them to get my point across and since I write the blog I get to pick the illustrations, right? 

The first article I read was about Eminem, it was short to the point, but informative.  It explained his battle with addiction, one he says he fights everyday.  His rise to the top of the rap game, his fall back down, and then his climb to the top again.  The underlying tone of the article was that he knew he had great talent, but talent alone did not make him a success.  His success came from trial and error, a desire not to fail and a talent he was given to use words to express his feelings.  The article ended with him talking about coming to grips with his addiction that, while used as a coping mechanism to handle the fame he was achieving also destroyed his career, he eventually had to trust in his talent and what got him to the point of success to begin with.  Good article.  Point taken by me, hard work pays off, never quit trying, and don't do drugs.

Lil Wayne was up next.  This article started off different than the Eminem article.  If you read enough you can tell the difference between a male and a female writing about the rap industry and for specifically for a "men's interest" magazine.  I felt the tone at first, but didn't realize my theory was true till I got to the end and it gave the author's name and background (no this is not sexist, just an observation).  The article was still good.  It covered much of the same things the Eminem article did...Wayne's rise to fame at a young age with the group "Hot Boys" his continued success through the release of his many album's and mixed tapes, and then his fall, with the most recent being him spending eight months in prison on a weapons charge.  It discussed his drug use and whether or not he was "clean" from Syrup (combination of Codeine cough syrup and Sprite, just in case you don't know the term) and Marijuana.  His statements in response were to the effect, he hasn't used Syrup since 2009, but still talks about it to pay homage to the culture he came from (back story, Syrup is something that originated out of the Houston rap scene and the late D.J. Screw who O.D. on the stuff.  Lil Wayne being out of New Orleans and the closeness of Houston and New Orleans music worlds feels by throwing out references to the drug, he pays "respect" to his roots)  I'll let you make sense of that one, it isn't relevant to my topic, but wanted to give the tie in in case you were interested in doing your own research later.  His comment on Marijuana was, "I can't wait to be off probation".  I'll also let you make your own call about what that one means.  Back to the reason of including this long narrative.  Lil Wayne reached success, lost it, and then hit it again, despite his MANY self induced issues.  He put in work, but he had something that others just don't have, and that is a specific talent, and he has to trust in his talent when he performs. 

This morning I check my Gmail account like I always do and there is a blog I subscribe to with the title "The Most Dangerous Belief In America".  I sometimes read this blog I sometimes don't.  It is written by a former pastor of mine here in Dallas and his stuff is always good, it's just I don't always take the time to read what he writes (crazy admission coming from another blogger right? haha)  The title of his piece grabbed my attention because this guy is not some right-wing extreme conservative.  If he was I wouldn't subscribe to his blog, ha.  So for him to call something "The Most Dangerous Belief In America" I wanted to see what he was talking about.  Marketing people...even preacher's know how to do it!  So I open the blog and read, and what he is writing about was a statement made by President Obama yesterday in which Obama said " I trust in God, but God wants to see us help ourselves by putting people back to work."  This statement was made in response to the House of Representatives reaffirming the official United States motto as "In God We Trust".  Obama's quote was further clarified by White House Press Secretary Jay Carney saying, "I believe that phrase in the Bible is 'the Lord helps those who help themselves.'"

This was where Jim Denison took his stance, and honestly until he explained it, I had never thought about what he wrote in the way he wrote it.  I'll give you the basics here, and then provide a link to the blog so you can read the whole thing for yourself if you choose.  The statement "The Lord helps those who help themselves" is not in the Bible.  Honestly I wouldn't have known one way or another if it was, but I had heard people say it before.  Denison said that the fact we as a country believe it is, and have taken it on as a mantra for our recovering society is why he calls this ideology the most Dangerous Belief in America.  His point was this thought process creates a society who, and I quote "We baptize our self-reliance in the belief that the more we do, the more God will bless us."  This in his words takes God out of the equation and puts all the possibility of success on our own shoulders.  A pretty interesting theory for a country that just voted to maintain our national motto as "In God We Trust".  Is it really God we trust, or ourselves? 

Denison's Blog: http://us1.campaign-archive1.com/?u=5369bb601ac44bfdda928110b&id=08a1e57534&e=428cc3bd14

Finally I end with this and will tie up all this massive randomness into a point.  I wake up with the topic of "Help" on my mind, partly because I read two articles last night about guys who achieved success, lost it because of their own self destructive devices, and then managed to regain it.  I click on my email and find a blog that talks about "In God We Trust" as a country, but warns against the dangers of not trusting God, but trusting in ourselves. 

I will be the first to admit I struggle with trust.  I am not good at it.  I am not confident in it.  I want fact, not faith.  In my thoughts though it seems to me there is something greater here then just "what can I do myself?"  I am not saying do not work hard, or put out effort.  Please do not take that from this blog.  Nothing happens from just sitting and scratching, but if we as a country need help, and I believe we do. We must find something or someone to place our Trust in, because left to our own self devices we will never defeat the pattern of self destruction, that is civilization history 101.  As my brother Sammy B likes to ask so many questions, I pose one for you today:  What do you Trust in, and is it greater than just yourself? 

X

Daddy's Little Girl (Warning: Video is not for kids!, but isn't that what a Daddy should decide?)

So Sammy B, my brother who writes "The Chase" throws down "Yo Momma!" last night and it sets my mind to thinking.  If you haven't noticed yet these blogs are actually the public forum version of debates that the two of us have been having for years.  Most people think that when two guys get together all they talk about is women, cars, and sports...true those things have been discussed, but I would dare say that most people would be surprised at the depth a "REAL" conversation can have when two brothers feel passionately about a subject.

Last night Sam talked about one of his passion's, his mother.  Now I am going to go off subject for a minute and give a you a little background (besides most of you are still recovering from the J Cole Video "Daddy's Little Girl").  Momma Blakemore I have never met in person.  I have known Sam since I was 18, we have been as close as brother's since that time, but I have never met his mother.  Not a real reason, it just has never worked out for us to meet, but while I have never met Momma Blakemore I consider her a second mother to me.  I know what that woman sacrificed for her son, and I know what kind of woman she is because of the young man she raised.  I also know the true deep love that her son has for her.  We are not talking about "hey momma, i'll miss you when your gone type love".  We are talking self sacrificing, do anything in the world for her love for his mother.  That being said when Sam writes a blog about "Yo Momma" and the reality of what his mother means to him...take it from his brother there is no more serious or important topic in his life than his mother.

Now on to my the follow up of "Yo Momma" and the reason for including "Daddy's Little Girl".  By now you know by day, I sit at a desk and do a little Tax Work, and by night I like to ride around in "Bullet" (name given to my car) and pretend I am some type of doer of good deeds.  Do I do it for the recognition?  Do I do it for the adrenaline rush?  Do I do it because I feel lonely sometimes?  I'd be lying if I said occasionally those things don't pop into my head, I'm human, but that is not why I do it.  I have two reasons and I will give them both to you.

1.  Young men today need positive "REAL" role models.  Yesterday I hit on society and what I see in terms of a challenge that our culture is facing.  The growing number of juvenile men who have no clear leadership or guidance in their life.  No one to teach them to be a Man.

Sam hit on it last night, for the majority of America (or the people he and I spend time with) Mother's Day is a very significant holiday...Father's Day, well that would be a very profitable time for Hallmark if children sent out cards to all the men who "might be their father".  The hard part of even accomplishing that would be most of those children couldn't find an actual location to send the card to if they knew the guys name. (It's not a joke people if it's true).

Back to my reason of why I do what I do.  I don't have blood children of my own, maybe one day I will, maybe I won't.  It isn't on my list right now.  I do have children though.  I have young men throughout the city of Dallas that I consider to be influenced by the decisions and actions that I take.  To me that is the definition of a father.  Did I help create these guys? No.  Did I consult their mother and say, hey how about having a family? No.  Do I spend time with them and try to show them what a real man looks like?  Yes.  Do I do it with any ulterior motive other than wanting what is is best for them?  No.

This brings me to point number two of why I spend my free time doing what I do.

2.  A girl with no strong father figure in her life is going to have the hardest path that anyone in our country today can face.

Before you start yelling and disagreeing let me explain what I mean.  I have several things to tie together.  1.  It takes a man and a woman to conceive, but a man can leave a few minutes after and never be seen or heard from again.  The woman whether she chooses, motherhood, adoption, or abortion has decisions to make that last a life time.  2.  This is the reason Mother's Day is such an important holiday for most young men.  Daddy may have dipped, but Momma, she stuck around (doesn't matter the reason).  3.  Young men who are raised solely by women with no strong male figure in their life perpetuate a circle of ugliness that breeds the creation of unplanned children and the abandonment of the child's mother.  (This is not a fact I pulled somewhere, this is opinion and observation, you can agree or disagree with me on this statement.  It is why God gave us a brain.)

The video above talk's about "Daddy's Little Girl" in a way that contrast America's view of the perfect daddy's girl 

Versus the other image of "Daddy's Little Girl" gone wrong

 

 

Add ten years to this face, lengthen the hair, dangle a cigarette out of her mouth, and see her getting into a beat up old car after a long night at the strip club to go home and take care of 4 children all under the age of 10.  You get the picture?

I have given two extreme options here.  Most people fall somewhere in the middle, but I gave extreme options to prove a point.  Young men need father's and at the minimum strong male role models.  Not just so they can become successful citizens of our country, but because they are responsible for the future of this country both male and female.  

Young men produce children, whether you are a firm believer in teaching safe sex, or that abstinence is the only way.  The reality is our kids are having kids and most men are not there to raise them.  When there is no father in the home it creates two unfortunate cycles.  You have a son raised by a mother who is struggling and doing her best to support her family, but the son sees no example of how to be a father, or you have a daughter who is raised by the same mother and always seeking that male affection and love that is ingrained in her D.N.A.  I am not a psychologist, and I don't have a degree in this study, but I am a man and I know how to pick up women.  There is always a reason guys say "that girl has daddy issues, I bet I can sleep with her".  

Now what do we do about this problem?  I have laid out some deep stuff, probably some stuff that a lot of people don't agree with or see in a different light.  That's ok, it's a blog and I am not a journalist.  Here is my answer though.  Men step up!  This is coming from a man.  If you are a father take responsibility for your actions, don't make "Yo Momma" jokes be so important because nobody would know who "Their Daddy" is anyway.  If you aren't a father, mentor.  You don't have to save the world, you don't have to replace their daddy.  All you have to do is give them an example of a positive male figure. 

You may ask why I say to do this?  For the Bible readers, God called us to "love one another".  For the people who believe in Karma, what can it hurt?  For the people who only think with their time and money, I'm 28 and have a paying job and college education, but no children.  I work with guys who are 17, maybe a G.E.D. and looking for employment, and have more than one child.  You do the math...it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out who is going to pay for those children at some point...

X

Fair Play

My brother Sam who writes the wonderful blog "The Chase" wrote a piece entitled "Race".  In that piece a black man challenged black society on racism.  He pointed out that with the progress our wonderful country has made in just the past 50 years, equality is more realistic then ever before.  I stand and applaud him for that article.  I stand and applaud him for taking a realistic look at "what can I do to make my situation better".  I stand and applaud him for not using his "race" and his "gender" as an excuse.  The reality is he is right.  What can you do to make your situation better?  Here is is where his white brother throws society slightly under the bus and while patting America on the back, says brothers we have a long way still to come.

Yesterday morning I had the opportunity to help a young man get to a job.  This is a young man who I think very highly of, in fact, I'd go so far as to say I consider him like family to me. 

Here is the background on the situation.  He needed to be at work at 9:45 a.m., we talked the night before about making sure he was up on time, what combination of public transportation would get him to where he needed to be (visual picture here, under 18, no car, lives in South Dallas (across the Trinity, South Dallas) needs to be at work at a certain time in the morning. ) and being at the job site early so that he would "impress" his boss with his timeliness. 

After going through that scenario just so he knew the complexity of what was involved with being at work for the average person in his situation, I threw out option B:  I'll come pick you up and take you and we'll both be at work on time.  Option B, was what I knew a parent in most situations would try to do if they had a child who was doing their best to work.  Option B, was what I'd want someone to do for me if ever put in that circumstance.

Here's how it played out though (things never go as planned, lesson #1 in life).  I wake up early.  I am not a morning person, I'll be the first to admit it.  I hate waking up unless it is about noon.  I get up early though and start calling my friend...no answer.  I go ahead and get ready and call back again...no answer.  I call 6 or 7 more times in a row, just in case he is sleeping hard and can't hear the phone...no answer. 

Now I would love to say I was fresh as a spring morning and not frustrated by this situation at all, but then I'd just be lying.  I mean we had had the talk the night before about "responsibility" and here it is, all the progress I thought we made, not working out so great.  Needless to say I am up, ready for work and figure what the heck I have nothing else to do so I'll head on in to the office early.  I make it to the street right before I turn into the parking garage and my phone rings.  You can guess who it is.  Here is where I had a decision to make, and I think it plays into the blog "Race" that Sam wrote about.  I could either say, "tough luck you messed up and now you have to deal with the consequences" or "I could hang a U-Turn and bust my tail to South Dallas, and then spend the one on one time driving him to his job explaining why I did it."

In the "Race" Sam said and I quote

"So now black America must ask itself. Does racism still exist? 

If the answer to this question is yes.

Then my follow up question is, does racism impede your progress from achieving your goals and reaching your full potential?"

Here was my thought as I hit the U-Turn and headed to South Dallas to pick up my friend and take him to work.  Maybe racism does still exist, maybe racism doesn't exist.  I am a white male, therefore I cannot answer that question.

I can observe though?  I do have a brain and one I think is fairly intuitive.  My friend messed up.  He over slept, he missed the phone calls I made, he was completely in the wrong, but as soon as I picked up the phone he admitted every part of that to me.  He also said, "Thanks for answering my phone call, you don't need to come pick me up, I'll find someway to get there.  I just wanted to say thanks for trying."

Bullet Point:  Had racism impeded his progress from being at work on time?  Answer: NO  Had a society where a juvenile is completely responsible for making sure he makes the same decisions that most adults struggle to make failed him.  I say yes.  

Here is what I talked with him about as we drove to work.  We did not discuss race or him being black or me white.  What we talked about was look, you have a tougher deck of cards to play with than most, but you still have to make the best of the situation.  I'm willing to help you as much as I can, but in the end the ball is in your court.  You either own your choices and decisions or you don't, but in the end they are your's and no one else's.  If you continue to make bad ones, there will be only one person to blame for where you end up.

That was my discussion with him as we made it to his work site, my discussion with myself as I drove back to my work was something slightly different.  I don't think the main issue in today's society is whether racism impedes ones ability to achieve their goals.  The issue that our country faces currently no matter what color you are, is fair play. 

Now!!!! before everyone speaks at once let me elaborate on what I mean.  No need in you yelling at me before I explain myself.  You can yell after.  I grew up in rural Georgia, I went to public schools through high school and I went to a private college.  I have lived in the wealthiest areas of North Dallas, and spent a lot of time in the poorest communities of South Dallas.  Can I compare the two?  Not hardly. 

As an adult (and I used to the term loosely because I am 28 and have a lot to learn) I see the gaping divides that face a city (I'll use Dallas because that is currently where I am located) that falls under one name, but honestly is two worlds apart.  I would ride my bike down any street at night through Highland Park and not think twice.  I lock the doors of my car and look around beside me when I pull up to a stop light cruising down Grand Avenue from South Lamar to Robert B. Cullum.

Is this racism?  Is this because I am white? No.  It is because I realize that in our society we have managed to create a status quo that is expected for one group and not for others.  How do we change that status quo?  How do we make society a place where a 17 year old from Pleasant Grove is expected to be in school preparing to go to college at 9:00 a.m. just like a 17 year old from Highland Park would be doing?  How do we change the thought of "he's from South Dallas, of course he's taking public transportation to work at 17" to "Are you kidding me?  The child should not be working during that time of the day, the child should be learning, furthering his education"

I don't have the answers to these questions.  I wish I did, it would make my life and the lives of those I work with a lot easier.  In Sam's blog "Race" he ends with this:

"In the 21st century, who's the SLAVEMASTER? 

Is it a white man? Is it a black man? Or is it... the reflection of yourself in the mirror?"

 

 I ask the same question when it comes to setting the status quo for society.  Does the white man set it?  Does the black man set?  The adult or the child, or do YOU set it?

X